Numbers...

I have had this in my head for a while but for some reason today (Friday) felt like the time to write it down. I have lately been in a funk because I was turning 40. Now for some, this is the silliest thing ever. Why would you care that you are turning 40? I can't really answer that question. For myself, I feel like it is a benchmark age. An age we look at ourselves and say, where am I in life? What have I accomplished by the age of 40? We also have a tendency to compare ourselves to others as we review accomplishments. I get sucked into feeling like maybe I have failed because I am 40, not married and have no children. Societal standards I suppose? Then I think, no, it's just not for me.  At least it isn't for me right now. It's the comparing that causes the issues. My good friend Krissy recently told me to take the following quote, print it off and put it on my refrigerator:

                                                   “Comparison is the thief of joy.”― Theodore Roosevelt.

We are all different. We all have different paths. Finding my own path and one that fulfills me should be my endeavor. I am not others. I am me. And my path is one that will be drastically different than anyone else's.

I have a good life. I have a great family. I have incredible friends who recently threw me the most amazing surprise 40th birthday party a girl could ever want. I am active and healthy. What does turning 40 do to any of that? Not one damn thing. Not one.

I decided earlier in the year that for the year of turning 40 I wanted to tackle an Ironman distance race of 140.6 miles.  Too much boxed wine will make you do lots of crazy things. I thought, 40 years old, 140.6, and let's get down to 140 pounds. Hmm. Okay.

An Ironman distance race consists of a 2.4 mile swim, a 112 mile bike ride, and to top it all off a marathon distance run of 26.2 miles. A bit lofty of a goal but I said to hell with it. I think in my mind I needed something to prove to myself that turning 40 didn't mean I am old. I needed something to convince myself that turning 40 didn't mean I couldn't still achieve athletic endeavors like I once did when I was much younger than 40.

One of my best friends Craig also turned 40 this year. He and I had to have been siblings in a previous life. We are either pulling for one another like rabid badgers OR we are fighting like cats and dogs.  I mentioned the idea of an IM distance race to him and he immediately said, fuck yes. This from the man who two years previously, when I said to him that he should get into training for triathlons (he was strictly a runner) said to me, swimming is for children and what adult rides a bike for fun?? And yet the journey began with us both dropping about 600 bucks on a race. Staving off 40 makes you do stupid shit. I am ecstatic that Craig is doing this race with me. I will be forever grateful to have him cross the finish line with me. And if he finishes before me I will be okay with that too. He literally makes me crazy sometimes and I curse his name, but in the end (cue cheesy music) my life would not be the same without him and I am so thankful he will be on this journey with me.

I had just finished training for a marathon with my good friend Beth and said to her that I wanted to train for an IM distance race because I was turning 40. She is of the gentle, tender age of 39 and so does not understand my 40 woes. She said, I will train with you for this but I am NOT doing an IM distance race. Beth had her sights set on the half IM distance in Wilmington. And yet she did every single bit of training that Craig and I have done. She has done 100 mile bike rides, she did an 18 mile run with us. She has done all the swimming with me, sometimes 2 miles in one session. Beth is a good friend. Scratch that... Beth is an amazing friend and I am lucky to have her in my life. Oh and Beth is now doing the FULL IM at Wilmington. A nice birthday present for me. :)

The journey to 140.6 hasn't been easy. There have been ups, downs and in betweens. When you spend as much time together as Beth, Craig and I have running, biking or swimming, there are bound to be times when even the Pope would be stretched thin. I am the anxious one of the group. I worry about everything. I have had two workouts that ended with me doing deep breathing exercises and even sitting on the side of Route B crying. Beth is the casual athlete but still has days where she is "over this shit!". Craig is either the one spouting quotes of inspiration with vim and vigor or the one saying, um, not feeling it today. We are athletes, I know this, but we attack it with maybe a different plan than some would. We have each had our days of pulling one another through. That is one of the benefits of being part of a team or a community. We got each other through. I have no idea how someone would train for one of these races without a group, without support. I am thankful, as well, that both Beth and Craig are two of the funniest people I know and thus made me laugh when times were tough. Laughter cures many ails.

I stood looking in the mirror this morning getting ready for work, in my bra and undies, examining my physical condition. I looked at the extra skin under my arms, the extra chubs around my waist, the stretch marks, the freckles. I thought of how much we tear ourselves down trying to compare ourselves to an idea of perfection. I thought of how many times I have said I hate this or that about my body. And then it hit me, especially after spending the last 5 months of my life training, truly an epiphany (as I listened to Coldplay's Atlas).... these arms have gotten me through so many miles of swimming, these legs have carried me so many miles on a bike and so many miles running, this body stepped up when I said, hey let's push it a little bit. And I actually stood in the bathroom and started crying (IM training makes you soft) thinking how thankful I was to have a body capable of doing these things. Freckles, extra skin, veins starting to peek through on my legs. I am thankful beyond words. This body is mine. And I wouldn't trade it for any other.

The coincidental part of this is that on my way to work I saw an email from the person who got me started in all of this... a little lady named Amy Livesay.. It was one of the kindest emails I have ever gotten. She spoke of myself and Craig and Beth and the journeys we have taken to get to the point of attempting an Ironman distance race. She always gives me confidence. She always believes in me. Today was no different. And again, on the way to work, I cried (IM training makes you soft).  I am not a religious person in the least, but the scripture she quoted today made me take pause and I copied it down.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."  Hebrew 12:1

Amy has been my source of sage advice and rampant encouragement since I met her. I thank my lucky stars for her and for her friendship. I will say, religious or not, I always think of her words she told me before my first sprint tri.... "Just be thankful for the day, be thankful you can participate. Enjoy the day. There are so many that cannot. You can." She is a wise woman.

In the grand scheme of life, these races are not of importance. People who face major life issues daily and face with them with grace and courage are the heroes. They don't sign up for those battles. I did. I actually paid money for this shit. I paid to have others put me through the rigors of all of this swimming, biking and running. So really I can't complain. But I will anyway. I mean hell, it is a long way to go in one day. :)

I am so thankful to have two of my best friends to tackle this challenge with me. I am thankful beyond words to have had the support of Team TEEM.. Barbie Banks, Suki Lycke, Colleen Parsons, Amy Livesay, and Karen Rouse. It is a bit of full circle for me that Colleen and Amy will both be there to hopefully see me finish. We started off together in our triathlon training group with Amy as the coach and Colleen as a teammate in the group I lovingly called the Bad News Bears (*disclaimer: Colleen is an amazing athlete and not worthy of BNB status but she was in the group.. :)) Full. Circle. So happy they will both be there. I never thought I could finish a sprint tri and here we go...

I am thankful for our IM coaches Mackenzie Rickman and Caroline Cue for their friendship, insight and wisdom and for coming on rides with us and for helping us with a training plan, for giving us advice and for making Beth and I better people at getting places on time ("Mack is there, we probably should just camp out overnight to make sure we are on time..")

We shall see how all this plays out come next Saturday. I am anxious, excited, fearful, ready to rock, ready to cry..  again, just a silly race. Honestly. Yet somehow a test of commitment, of preparedness, of dedication. It will be an adventure regardless of the outcome.

Colleen sent me a quote once which I will carry with me on Saturday... "Some day you will not be able to do this, today is not that day."

40. It's just a number. Bring it 140.6.